“Seeing Through Your Partner’s Eyes: A Couples Therapy Exercise We Use Ourselves”
As married therapists, we know firsthand that marriage is not always easy. Even with training, tools, and a lot of love, we’ve experienced the same bumps in the road that many couples face. That’s why, when we sit with couples in therapy, we’re not just speaking from textbooks — we’re speaking from lived experience too.
One of the biggest challenges in relationships is communication. Our perception — shaped by our personal histories, values, and emotional state — often dictates how we respond in a conversation. When both partners dig into their own position, it’s easy to hit a stalemate. This can feel discouraging, even lonely, and it may leave you wondering how to move forward.
One exercise we love is arguing a point from your partner’s perspective.
Here’s how to try it:
- Pause and regulate. Before beginning, make sure you’re calm. Take a break, slow your breathing, or go for a short walk.
- Switch roles. Each of you takes the other’s side of the argument. Try to explain your partner’s point of view as if you were them.
- Focus on empathy, not winning. Even if you don’t agree with their argument, notice how it feels to step into their shoes.
Start small — maybe with something light like which show to watch or where to order dinner from. Once you practice with lower-stakes topics, you can build toward bigger conversations.
This exercise isn’t about proving who’s right or wrong. It’s about cultivating grace, empathy, and understanding. It helps you communicate in a way that deepens connection and shows love and respect — even when you don’t see eye-to-eye.
