As therapists working with clients struggling with fertility, we have had the privilege of walking alongside many individuals and couples as they navigate one of the most emotionally complex experiences of their lives. One phrase we hear time and again is, “No one really prepares you for this part.”
When you first begin trying to grow your family, it often starts with quiet hope—sometimes even excitement. You track your cycle, follow the advice, and imagine how you’ll share the good news. But what no one tells you is how quickly that hope can give way to confusion, frustration, or grief.
You don’t know how isolating this experience can be. You don’t realize how joy can shift into pressure, or how many emotionally charged decisions lie ahead. You don’t anticipate the toll it may take on your mental health, your relationships, or your sense of self.
This post is for those just starting out, those already deep in the process, and those supporting someone on this path. These are the often-unspoken truths we wish you knew from the beginning:
- Protect Your Mental Space
Social media is rarely a safe place during this time. It can become a minefield of pregnancy announcements, parenting tips, and well-meaning but triggering posts. Consider muting or unfollowing accounts that don’t serve your emotional wellbeing right now. It’s okay to create boundaries. - Choose Your Circle Wisely
Sharing your journey is important—but sharing it selectively is even more so. Let a few trusted people in, and be honest about your needs. Friends and family may want to show support, but their questions and check-ins can sometimes feel like added pressure. It’s okay to say, “I’ll share updates when I’m ready.” - Understand the Mental Load
Fertility challenges often become all-consuming. The constant tracking, appointments, and emotional ups and downs can make it hard to concentrate, stay connected in relationships, or have energy for anything beyond survival mode. You are not failing—your brain and heart are simply doing their best to manage something overwhelming. - Acknowledge the Impact on Your Relationship
For the person undergoing treatment, the physical and emotional toll can be intense. Medications, injections, procedures—it’s a lot. Resentment can build. For the partner in the support role, feelings of helplessness and frustration are common. Open communication, compassion, and, when needed, professional support are essential tools to navigate this together. - Prepare for the Emotional Rollercoaster
This journey is filled with hope, excitement, disappointment, anxiety, and grief—sometimes all in the same week. It is exhausting and deeply emotional. But you are not alone, and you are more resilient than you know.
Fertility is not just a medical journey—it’s an emotional and relational one, too. If you’re reading this and finding parts of your story reflected here, know that your feelings are valid. You are doing your best with something incredibly hard. And with support, honesty, and care, you can do hard things.
