In the last few weeks, many of us have been fixated on the Lindsay Clancy trial. If you don’t know what I am referring to, this is the case involving a mother accused of killing her three small children. It is unbelievably tragic and to be honest, I don’t know that I have the words to adequately discuss how deeply disturbing this case is, or how deeply it has impacted so many people.
What I have been hearing from many people who know what I do for a living is, “What do you think happened?” That is a fair question, especially knowing that I have been a therapist for over 20 years and that many of those years have been spent working with women navigating fertility, pregnancy, postpartum challenges and motherhood. However, I feel completely unqualified to answer that question. I have never met Lindsay. I have never treated her. I don’t know the full scope of her mental health history or treatment. And I certainly don’t want to speculate about someone’s mental health from a distance. What I can say is that this case has brought postpartum mental health into a very important conversation and will provide a watershed moment in our society.
As clinicians, physicians, psychiatrists and communities, we need to take postpartum mental health concerns very seriously. And this is something I hope every couple planning a family, and every new parent, begins to understand. Most of us have heard the term “baby blues.” We know that having a baby can be exhausting, emotional and overwhelming. We joke about the lack of sleep and the chaos that comes with a newborn. And yes, babies are incredibly sweet. They smell amazing and there are moments of pure joy and love that are difficult to put into words. But having a baby can also be incredibly challenging. There is a tremendous amount of pressure on new mothers to be happy, grateful and completely in love with their new role. Sometimes we forget that a major life transition can be both beautiful and incredibly difficult at the same time.
Postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety and postpartum psychosis are real mental health conditions. They are not a sign that someone is a bad mother. They are not a sign that someone doesn’t love their baby. And they are not something a person should feel ashamed to talk about. And perhaps most importantly, they are treatable.
There should be no shame in saying I am having a really hard time. And if someone tells you they are having dark, disturbing or frightening thoughts, please don’t dismiss them. Please listen and take them seriously. Help them connect with a healthcare or mental health professional.
We don’t know exactly what happened in Lindsay Clancy’s life or what role, if any, mental illness played in the tragedy that unfolded. That is for the courts and the professionals who have actually evaluated her to determine. But perhaps one thing we can take away from this heartbreaking case is the importance of talking more openly about postpartum mental health.
We need to ask new mothers how they are really doing and we need to be willing to hear the answer even when it isn’t pretty, even when it is uncomfortable and even when someone admits they are struggling. Because asking for help doesn’t make you a bad mother, it makes you the exact opposite, a woman who knows she needs to be well to be the best mother she can be.
