As Therapists and Moms, Unknown Number Shook Us

Before reading further, please know this post contains spoilers and discusses disturbing content.

After watching the Netflix documentary Unknown Number, we were deeply shaken. Our conversation afterward was scattered, emotional, and raw—until we landed on one undeniable truth: our greatest responsibility as parents and as a society is to keep kids safe.

Safe from harm.
Safe until their brains are fully formed.
Safe enough to build a strong foundation for a healthy life.

We both began our careers in child welfare, committed to helping families create safety and stability. But what stunned us—and so many viewers—was the fact that the abuser in this story was a mother.

A mother who not only cyber-abused her own daughter but also psychologically tortured a teenage boy dating her daughter. Her actions were unspeakable. And while she cited trauma and human imperfection, her explanation was chilling. She systematically targeted her daughter and boyfriend, harming him with words in a way that left lasting scars.

The Digital Age and Our Children

One theme we kept coming back to was the danger of phones and social media.

Let’s be honest—this is not a small issue:

• 93% of U.S. teens use social media.

• Teens spend an average of 7–8 hours a day on their phones.

• 5 of those hours are often spent on social media alone.

At a certain point, avoiding phones and social media becomes impossible for kids. But that doesn’t mean we’re powerless. As parents, it’s not just our right—it’s our responsibility—to monitor and guide their digital lives.

How to Protect Your Kids on Social Media

While every child is different and deserves rules that reflect their age, maturity, and emotional health, keep this in mind: the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for judgment and reasoning, doesn’t fully develop until age 24–25.

Here are some of the most effective ways we’ve found to keep kids safe:

1. Monitor Their Use

• Check their phone and app activity regularly.

• Be aware of what they’re doing when you’re not home or when you’re asleep.

• Ask about their online interactions and relationships. Keep the conversation open.

2. Educate Them on the Risks

• Talk about cyberbullying, privacy concerns, and online predators.

• Discuss the science of phone addiction (in age-appropriate ways).

• Make it safe for them to come to you with problems or questions.

3. Know and Review the Apps They Use

Be especially aware of:

• Popular apps: Snapchat, TikTok, Roblox, Discord

• Less popular but just as risky apps: Kik, Omegle, Yubo – these are lesser-known and can expose kids to inappropriate content and grooming

Talk with them about algorithms, content curation, and what shows up on their For You pages. Don’t be afraid to ask, “Can you show me what you’re seeing?”

4. Set Limits When Needed

• Some kids can monitor their own use and know the impact that use has on all facets of their life, others can’t. That’s okay—and normal.

• Set time limits for use on screen use…which includes social media and gaming.

• Create tech-free zones or times (e.g., no phones at dinner or during homework).

• If your child’s emotional health is suffering, don’t hesitate to check their phone. That’s part of your job.

5. Give Real-Life Alternatives

• Take a walk together.

• Watch a movie as a family.

• Play a board game.

• Go for a drive or cook a meal together.

Help them experience connection and fun without a screen in their hand.

6. Be a Good Role Model

This one is hard for us too! We all use our phones for different reasons—escapism, connection, learning. There’s nothing wrong with that. But we must model the behavior we want to see.

• Try a social media break as a family.

• Make it a game: who can spend the least time on their phone today?

• Be intentional with your screen use in front of your kids.

We Can—and Must—Do Better

Unknown Number showed us children whose lives were changed forever by psychological abuse carried out through a phone. The mother caused that harm—but as healthy, committed, loving parents, we can do better. We must.

Let’s use the tools we have to:

• Protect our kids

• Educate them

• Support them

• And help them grow into healthy, connected, and present adults.